Lately I've been feeling like I don't belong anywhere.
I watched a few Studio Ghibli movies like Whisper of The Heart and Tales From the Earthsea. The songs made me think of where I am now in my life. Everyone says "Being a high schooler will be the best years of my life." Yeah right. I can't/don't do my homework, I don't behave like my older sister, can't be intelligent at the right times and nothing is in my head but song lyrics and story ideas!
A part of the song from Earthsea is this:
Open This Lonely Heart to One Who Understands,
When Will I Ever Find, a Way to Speak My Heart?
When Will I Ever Find a Place to Call My Home?
Sadness and Loneliness, a Falcon in the Sky,
When Will I Ever Find a Way to Speak My Heart,
to Someone Who Knows, What it is to be Alone?
It's like I'm alone here! I can't even speak the truth of what I think or feel. My life has been so stressful that I can't stand it any more. I break and raise my voice a tiny bit, then get f*****g yelled at!! I don't belong in this family! I'm embarrassed to invite friends over or to even go home most days. And when I do, I feel a dreadful darkness over me, like I'm scared but can't do anything about it.
I'm sorry. :( I'm in high school to and it hasn't been the best for me. I heard that high school is one the best years of your life also, but also that it can be your worst. You are not alone. Hopefully life gets better.
ReplyDeleteThanks. It's actually as gotten better now since there's no school today. I can mediatate and be calm all day!
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